By Katina Rankin | The People’s Paper MS
“Don’t be so committed to a culture that you forget that you represent a Kingdom. The standard of the Kingdom is greater than culture.”
Those words, attributed to Kimberly Winters, stopped me. Not because culture is unimportant. It is.
Culture shapes us. It influences how we speak, how we celebrate, how we raise our children, how we understand family, how we respond to conflict and how we see the world around us.
But culture was never supposed to become our god. And when I say “culture,” I am talking about every culture.
Black culture. White culture. Hispanic culture. Asian culture. Southern culture. Corporate culture. Political culture. Religious culture. Church culture. Family culture. Social media culture. Community culture.
Every culture. Because every culture has beautiful things worth preserving, but every culture also has things that should be examined.
That is where Kimberly Winters’ words become more than a quote. They become a mirror.
What happens when our commitment to culture becomes greater than our commitment to character?
What happens when “that’s just how we do things” becomes an excuse for behavior we know is wrong?
What happens when loyalty to our group becomes more important than telling the truth?
What happens when protecting someone’s reputation becomes more important than protecting our integrity?
And what happens when we become so determined to defend our side that we forget we are supposed to represent something greater than ourselves?
If you say you represent the Kingdom, then your behavior should reflect the standards of the Kingdom even when nobody is watching.
That means integrity cannot be conditional. You don’t get to demand honesty from everyone else while making excuses for yourself.
You don’t get to preach accountability while avoiding accountability. You don’t get to talk about love while intentionally wounding people. You don’t get to demand respect while refusing to give it. And you don’t get to invoke God when it benefits you and ignore His standards when they become inconvenient.
The Kingdom standard is higher. Higher than pride. Higher than ego. Higher than reputation. Higher than winning. Higher than being accepted by a particular group. And sometimes, higher than our own feelings.
That does not mean we abandon our culture. It means we don’t allow culture to override our conscience.
There is another area where I believe this applies: family.
Family is complicated. People grow apart. Relationships change. People make decisions that alter the course of their lives. Sometimes separation is necessary. Sometimes boundaries are necessary. Sometimes walking away is necessary.
But if you choose to leave a family, admit that you chose to leave.
Be man enough or woman enough to address it face to face. Don’t disappear and then rewrite the story. Don’t let other people hear your explanation before the people directly involved hear it from you. Don’t hide behind text messages, social media posts, other relatives or silence when a face-to-face conversation is warranted.
If you have made the decision to walk away, own your decision.
There is nothing inherently wrong with saying, “I made this choice, and this is why.”
It may hurt. It may be uncomfortable. It may even change the relationship forever. But there is dignity in telling the truth.
There is character in taking responsibility for your decisions. And there is something powerful about looking another human being in the eyes and saying what you actually mean.
We cannot demand that young people have morals, values, principles and integrity if the adults teaching them demonstrate that those things are negotiable.
Children are watching. Young adults are watching. Our families are watching. Our communities are watching.
And whether we realize it or not, we are teaching people what we believe by how we behave. So perhaps the real question isn’t whether we are committed to our culture.
Perhaps the question is:
What are we willing to compromise to remain committed to it?
Because there comes a point when loyalty becomes enabling, tradition becomes an excuse, pride becomes a prison and culture becomes an idol.
That’s the moment we have to remember who we say we are. We can love our culture without worshiping it.We can love our families without excusing everything they do. We can disagree without becoming cruel.
We can walk away without being dishonest. We can stand firm without losing our compassion. And we can pursue justice without abandoning grace.
Because if we truly believe we represent a Kingdom, then our lives should demonstrate that the Kingdom standard is greater than culture.
Greater than our pride. Greater than our politics. Greater than our social standing. Greater than our family name. Greater than our need to be right.
At some point, character has to matter more than comfort. Truth has to matter more than appearances. And doing what is right has to matter more than being accepted. Because culture may tell us who we are connected to.
But character tells people who we are.
And if we claim to represent the Kingdom, people should be able to see it in how we treat one another when there is nothing left to gain.
Examining the “Mirror” of Culture & Tradition
- When has “that’s just how we do things” caused you to compromise your own values? How hard was it to recognize that a tradition or cultural norm had become a cover for poor behavior?
- In your own life, where is the line between loyalty and enabling? How do you know when defending a group, a system, or a side has crossed over into protecting something wrong?
Facing the Complexity of Family & Boundaries
- Why do you think it is so difficult for adults to address family changes face to face? What do we gain when we find the courage to say, “I made this choice, and this is why,” rather than slipping away in silence?
- How do we practically love our families without excusing everything they do? What does it look like to maintain a necessary boundary with someone while still maintaining your own character and compassion?
Standing for a Higher Standard
- I notes that character matters most “when there is nothing left to gain.” Think of a time you chose integrity even though it cost you acceptance, reputation, or comfort. What did that moment teach you about who you are?
- Children and young adults are always watching how adults handle conflict.What are the unwritten lessons we are passing down to the next generation by the way we treat people we disagree with?
