Part 1
By Drs. James and Natasha King
Great people,
We want to start with a question we believe every couple should sit down and answer together: What did God bring the two of you together to do?
Not just what you do for work. Not just who does the dishes and who handles the budget. We mean your assignment: the thing that only the two of you, joined together, can carry into the world.
After 14 years of marriage, we can tell you this with full confidence: Marriage was never meant to be only about us. It is a partnership with a purpose. When a couple discovers that purpose, develops it and devotes their marriage to it, everything changes.
Step One: Discover Your Purpose
In our first year of marriage, we sat down and established a clear vision for our relationship. We wanted to be an example of the comprehensive elements of marriage. We did not have it all figured out, and we still don’t. But writing that vision down gave us direction, and we are still walking toward it together today.
The Word tells us that where there is no vision, the people perish (Proverbs 29:18), and that we should write the vision and make it plain (Habakkuk 2:2). Purpose does not usually arrive in one dramatic moment. It is discovered through prayer, conversation and paying attention to what God has already placed in your hands.
Here are some questions to pray and talk through together:
- What burdens do we both feel when we look at the world around us?
- What have we survived that someone else is walking through right now?
- What do people consistently come to us for?
- What do we love doing together, where time seems to disappear?
- If God gave us one assignment as a couple, what do we believe it is?
Your testimony is often the doorway to your purpose. The very things you overcame together may be the very things God wants to use to serve others.
Step Two: Develop Your Purpose
Discovering your purpose is the beginning, not the finish line. A vision without development stays a good idea. Purpose has to be grown, trained and tended like anything else God plants.
For us, development has looked like learning, getting certified, creating, writing, serving and showing up consistently, even on the days when it felt small. It has also meant learning how to work as a couple, and that is not always easy.
We know couples do not always work well together, and we wanted to help change that narrative. So we built things together from start to finish, learning how to communicate, honor each other’s gifts and give each other grace throughout the process.
Here is what we have found helps a couple develop its purpose:
- Pray together first. Proverbs 16:3 reminds us to commit our work to the Lord, and our plans will be established.
- Know each other’s gifts. You are not meant to be identical. You are meant to be complementary.
- Define your roles with respect. Decide who leads where, and cover each other where the other is weak.
- Protect the marriage while building the mission. The mission should never cost you the covenant.
- Start where you are. You do not need a big platform. You need faithfulness.
Ecclesiastes 4:9 says two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. When a couple develops its purpose together, the return is more than results. It is deeper intimacy, deeper trust and a deeper understanding of who God made you to be, both individually and as one.
