By K. Monroe Carter
We often talk about microaggressions in the workplace. But, they do not clock out at five.
They show up in city hall. In community meetings. At the grocery store. Even in conversations with people we call friends.And sometimes, that is what makes them hurt even more.
Let’s start with leadership. When microaggressions come from city officials or community leaders, they carry weight. These are the people shaping policies, making decisions, and representing the public. So, when their words or actions send subtle negative messages through others, it does not just affect one person. It affects trust across the entire community.
Picture this. A resident raises a concern at a public meeting. Instead of being taken seriously, they are talked over, dismissed, or given a watered down response that avoids the issue. Or, a leader repeatedly mispronounces someone’s name after being corrected. Or, they express surprise at how “well spoken” a community member is during a formal discussion. These moments may seem small to some. But to the people on the receiving end, they signal something deeper. They say, you are not fully respected here.
Over time, that perception can damage relationships between communities and the people elected or appointed to serve them.
Now let’s bring it closer to home.
Microaggressions among friends can be some of the hardest to navigate.
Because these are people you care about. People you laugh with. People who might genuinely believe they mean no harm.
But then, a comment slips out.
“You don’t act like other people from your neighborhood.”
“I don’t see color. We’re all the same.”
“You’re so different from what I expected.”
On the surface, these statements might sound harmless or even complimentary. But underneath, they carry assumptions and stereotypes that can feel limiting or dismissive.
And, here is where it gets complicated.
Do you speak up and risk tension in the relationship? Or, do you stay quiet and carry that discomfort with you?
A lot of people choose silence. Not because it does not bother them, but because they do not want to turn a small moment into a big conflict. But, those small moments add up.
They can create distance in friendships. They can make people feel like they have to edit themselves or shrink parts of who they are to keep the peace.
So, what do we do about it?
Honest conversation is a start. If you feel ‘safe’, say something. It does not have to be accusatory. It can be as simple as, “Hey, that comment didn’t sit right with me,” or “Can I share how that came across?”
For those on the other side, the responsibility is just as important.
Listen without jumping to defend yourself. Ask questions. Be willing to learn.
Growth does not happen in comfort zones.
And for leaders, especially, the standard has to be higher.
Words matter. Tone matters. Consistency matters. Communities are paying attention not just to what leaders say, but how they say it and who they say it to.
Respect should not depend on who is in the room.
At the end of the day, microaggressions are about more than isolated comments. They reflect deeper patterns of thinking and behavior.
Addressing them is not about perfection. It is about progress.
It is about creating spaces where people feel seen, heard, and valued. Whether that is in a boardroom, a council meeting, an executive session, or a conversation between friends.
Because the goal is not just to avoid harm. It is to build stronger, more honest, and more connected communities.
And that starts with paying attention to the small things we say and do every single day even behind people’s backs. Because ‘what’s done in the dark, always come to the light’.
Don’t miss Part III tomorrow.
Microaggressions don’t clock out, and they don’t stay out of the newsroom.
Journalist, author and actress Katina Rankin shares what really happen behind some headlines.
